


Steps

by a_wonderingmind



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hopeful Ending, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_wonderingmind/pseuds/a_wonderingmind
Summary: Jemma gives Fitz a book to read while he is in his self imposed imprisonment.





	Steps

**Author's Note:**

> This is me processing the mess of emotions that 5x14 left me with. I have a couple of friends with DID, so this ep left me feeling distinctly perturbed.
> 
> All opinions are my own, so feel free to discuss politely in comments :)

Fitz just felt numb.

He twisted his wedding ring around his finger, just trying to remind himself.

The Fitz Jemma fell in love with was in there somewhere, he just wasn’t sure for how much longer.

What was the Doctor then, if his Jemma was his conscience?

He didn’t really want to know the answer to that.

//////

Jemma came into his cell. She put down a book. He didn’t really want to read them. He kept his back to the door, still twisting his ring.

He felt the bed sink as she sat beside him. Her hand on his crossed leg just felt wrong. He didn’t deserve even to look at her. Her hand stayed.

“Fitz… I can’t even imagine how undeserving you think you are right now. But please, if nothing else, for me, read the book I brought.”

He didn’t move.

“I know this was a part of your injury, your brain reacting to trauma,”

He shook his head. “He’s me, not a hallucination, not something from the fear dimension. Me.”

“Maybe he’s both. Read the book.”  
She got up again, and padded away. He felt where her hand had been and the familiar swell of longing before pushing it down, he wasn’t allowing himself that. He didn’t deserve that. 

The book stayed there for another day before he picked it up. It was titled Dissociative Identity Disorder: Reuniting the Fractured Pieces.

That's just an excuse, he thought. 

/////

The footsteps this time were too heavy to be Jemma’s. It was Mack. Fitz recoiled as he glanced at the bandage still tied around his leg.

“You shouldn't be here. Your leg.” Fitz mumbled.

“I know, Simmons has told me enough times. But I came down to see my Turbo, who's been through hell and back. Who I think might just need to understand that one part of him is not his entirety. Who doesn't deserve the punishment he's giving himself. Who just needs time to heal.”

“I shot you. I violated Daisy's trust. I deserve everything I'm going to get.”

“You are not the Doctor. We all lived a life in the Framework, and yours included an abusive dad who made the Doctor someone else. He is not you, he is an alter. You've started to read the book, haven't you?”

“It's not an excuse for my behaviour.”

“No, but it may be a reason.”

////  
When Jemma came down the next day he asked for a pen and paper. The book was lying open on the bed.

“I want to write a letter to Daisy. She won't forgive me, and I wouldn't expect her to. She doesn't even have to read it. This is a first step. They don't have to be big...”

“They just need to take you in the right direction.”


End file.
